Deleting History: Men Still Hide Porn Viewing Habits From Their Partners
Every adult man on earth has watched porn at some point in their lives. Despite this clearly being the case, men are still ashamed of their viewing habits and frequently scrub their browsers clean of any and all filth. According to new research shared exclusively with Playboy, most people clear their browsers a few times a year, followed by “a few times a month” and “once a month.”
Here’s where things get interesting: the survey, conducted by Summit Hosting, a cloud-based hosting service, revealed the reasons why each gender decided to scrub their browsing history. While both sexes primarily wanted to clear space on their cluttered device (women: 85 percent, men: 73 percent), men were three times more likely to clear their browser history to hide explicit or inappropriate material.
This reasoning is surprising because there’s been a relatively recent uprising in women who watch porn, too. Research from Marie Claire found a third of women watch porn on a weekly basis and 10 percent watch it every day. Could this mean men are more ashamed of watching porn than women? Maybe. Perhaps the unrelenting stigma against women watching porn has toughened them up. Men, on the other hand, who’ve felt more entitled to the smut all their lives, are shaking in their boots.
The survey also shows men are twice as likely to clear their computer history to hide embarrassing questions they’ve looked up online. One can only assume many of the queries were sexual. Things like “How do I shave my balls without bleeding?” or even “Where the hell is the G-Spot?“ Better yet, “does it even exist?”
These are surprising insights, especially in an age where porn has never been more accepted and commonplace. Research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that almost nine in ten women think their male partners are honest about their porn use. Similarly, a Cosmopolitan survey found 68 percent of women aren’t bothered by their partner watching porn, despite the same survey reporting two-thirds of men climax quicker from porn than a real woman and almost 10 percent of men admitting they prefer porn to sex.
This suggests men are purposely pulling the wool over their partner’s eyes without having to. Women know men are watching porn, there’s no need to cover any tracks. But the severity in these cases can vary, of course. For instance, there may be fetishes one is embarrassed about and doesn’t want to address. In that case, deleting the digital evidence is easier and preferential to speaking with your partner about something shameful, something Deanna Cobden, sex and relationship coach, tells Playboy is a major contributing factor to the secrecy. “Even if it’s common, [porn is] still connected to secrecy and all the patterns and emotions that were created when growing up and learning about your sexuality.”
Ultimately, researchers conclude honest and open communication about porn use is the clearest path toward a healthy relationship.
How do you confess to your pornographic treasons? Cobden errs on the side of caution and is steadfast in her belief that if you’re too ashamed to cop to your porn consumption, the decision to tell your partner is completely up to you. “If you’re confronted with it, be honest. But otherwise, sharing is completely up to you. If you want to keep it private, that’s okay, and if you want to share that’s okay, too.”
Some relationships will take the news harder than others, so it’s wise to be completely honest about why you watch porn. Chances are, it’s far less severe than your partner might think. “Every situation and every woman will have different ideas about what’s okay or not okay,” Cobden explains. “For some women, this can be very distressing. They question their attractiveness or wonder if they aren’t fulfilling their partner in some way.”
For others, Cobden insists dealing with the issue can be a massive problem if the partner becomes addicted to the point that it interferes directly with the intimacy of their relationship. “Healthy relationships have open communication and take a grown-up approach to solving issues or conflict,” she says.
“If your partner is hiding something and it’s bothering you, or you feel like his use is interfering with your relationship, it’s ok to sit down and have a conversation about it,” Cobden admits. “If it comes to the point where you feel like you need to bring it up, come from a place of non-judgment and curiosity so you can have an open and authentic conversation.”
So what’s the takeaway here? It’s that your partner knows you’re watching porn, thus hiding the material could be considered dishonest. A female partner may be more skeptical to see there is no porn in your history than if there was. However, as the experts council, while honesty is the best policy, it is entirely up to you whether you want to speak on your indiscretions.